


Pull Me Back into the Flames (I Wanna burn)

by meliss808



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 09:00:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3523367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meliss808/pseuds/meliss808
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last of your people exit out the mountain and you watch as the door slides shut. They’re bruised and battered but alive. </p><p>She watches silently beside you, the hurt of betrayal spilling out of the corners of her eyes and staining her cheeks. You watch her break knowing that everything that she had been fighting for was breaking too. </p><p>You selfishly hope that a few of the tears fall for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pull Me Back into the Flames (I Wanna burn)

**Author's Note:**

> Cause we all need a bit more angst in our lives right? A look at what was running through Lexa's head at the end of 2.15.  
> Any errors or critiques feel free to pass along.

It wasn't supposed to end like this.

It wasn't supposed to end.

But the mountain man gave you an offer you couldn't refuse.

And you wanted more than anything to cut him down right then and there and watch that smug smirk turn to anguish on his face. But even as you saw your men tighten their grips on their weapons ready to back you up you knew you could not. It could never be about what you wanted.

You had already watched your warriors get slaughtered trying to open the door. Like dominos they fell, without a word, without the glory of a true fight. So many lives lost in the years past and as the mountain man described what was waiting for them on the other side on the door you knew countless others would follow. He offered you a way out without any more deaths. No more reapers, the return of your people. All it cost was the lives of 47 skaikru.

You accepted.

You wish you didn't have to.

You returned to the door just before the move to attack was made. You yelled at your warriors to stand down; they do so without question. Clarke does not, her initial look of relief at seeing you turns into confusion when she sees the mountain man behind you.

_What is this?_

Your people file out of the now opened door, silently answering Clarke's question. She thinks they’re surrendering. The mountain man suggests otherwise, looking at you. Her eyes follow suit, a sense of impending dread filling them as she stares you down. _What did you do?_

_What you would've done. Saved my people._

_What about my people?_ She knows the answer before the words leave your mouth. You can see it in the way her shoulders sag and the pained look in her eyes.

_I’m sorry. But they weren't part of the deal._

You wanted to rip through those tunnels and kill every soldier who had every set foot on the ground. The ones who unleashed acid fog on villages before boundaries were learnt and reapers as reminders of what power they had. You wanted to slaughter the ones who had shot Clarke's people out of the sky and Tondc out of the ground.

But even more then that you wanted your people to live.

The last of your people exit out the mountain and you watch as the door slides shut. They’re bruised and battered but alive.

She watches silently beside you, the hurt of betrayal spilling out of the corners of her eyes and staining her cheeks. You watch her break knowing that everything that she had been fighting for was breaking too.

You selfishly hope that a few of the tears fall for you.

She thinks you don’t care, but you do. If things were different you would've hunted through every room through every barrier to find the ones responsible for harming Clarke’s people. For Clarke you would've made each and every one of them pay for the tears she shed and the sacrifices she made. And when you finally found Cage you would have drilled through every bone in his body until he felt the pain of all the sky children he had harvested. For Clarke you would have done it all.

But as the commander you knew how many would die just trying to get through the door. And blood must have blood but you would not stain your hands with hundreds of your people’s lives because of one girl.

You signal for the sound of retreat.

You see Clarke step away from you, her body shaking as she puts more distance between the two of you. Yesterday she had shook as she gripped her hand above your hip and pulled you closer. You could still taste her on your lips.

 _Come with me_ you want to say. _Let me take you where it's safe_. But you don't bother to ask and she doesn't make any move to leave.

Had things been reversed you know you would have been the same.

You settle for _may we meet again_ , and put as much weight into your words as you possibly can.

_Please stay alive_

_Please forgive me_

If things were different you wouldn't have to choose with your head and it weighs down on you threatening to crush what little of your heart you let yourself feel.

But you are the commander. And you aren't allowed to have a heart.

 


End file.
